broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
