He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
