dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
