If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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