what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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