I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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