A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
