It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it because I queefed?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
