scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
