Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
