this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
