i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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