Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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