it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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