This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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