from now on my penis is your penis
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
