good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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