It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
