So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
