Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
