I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
