You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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