If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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