Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
