THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
