I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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