is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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