Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
