Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
They have beer where we have blood.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
