Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
