so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
