all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
