what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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