Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
