Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
