Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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