I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
