if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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