i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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