I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
