Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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