We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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