She is in my trunk
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The beers last night were like the tears from god
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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