to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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