Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
