im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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