Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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