He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
