So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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