Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
