Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
