Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
