I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
