your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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