it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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