so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
