Plan B is the new Plan A
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
