I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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