Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think a kid would responsible me up
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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