Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
