"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
