the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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