Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
